Oprah’s Giving Who Her Own Reality Show?

“Beatrice Jones” Copyright 2012 Totsymae

So, have you heard or do I need to put out the word, that Oprah’s producing Life with LaToya on OWN. I’m so utterly beside myself, I’m cooling off as I speak in front of Totsy’s window fan. Well, she doesn’t really have one but since a good amount of southern folk do, I thought I’d say it. But to get on with my story.

I’m not sure who I should address about this, so if it appears as if I’m talking to Oprah, you and LaToya, go with it. 

First of all, I’m a gossip columnist, who cooks and solves Hollywood love/disaster mysteries. Now Oprah, wouldn’t I have made a better candidate than LaToya for a reality show? What on earth would the public find so intriguing about LaToya versus moi? You know Michael wouldn’t want her on a reality show. The brothers were already approached about a show before Michael dearly departed us and he said no. 

I, on the other hand, who have no connection to the family, other than getting the scoop, have been vying to get on OWN since its inception. No, I haven’t been watching the network because I’ve been busy and there’s no OWN in this desert where Totsy’s holding me hostage. But still, Opes. I’m good for a show. I give you all the Hollywood juice while whipping the audience up a good meal. I mean, come on Oprah. We’re almost the same size. And look at mine and LaToya’s photo. Visually speaking, who could do more for the camera? Her or moi? 

Courtesy of CNN.COM

And what on God’s green earth could you possibly have to say, LaToya? I’m imagining you texting and tweeting all day about pretty much nothing. Am I hatin’? Why, I most certainly am. It just goes to show, it’s all about who you know in this business. I bet you didn’t even let the phone come to a full ring when you saw Oprah’s name pop up. You certainly couldn’t have been busy, unless you were tweeting or texting, of course.

I need to go now, people. I feel like I’m about to be repetitive in my speech since I feel a serious rant coming on. I’m getting really hot. Plus, I’m so tired of Totsy putting this photo, illustration or whatever you want to call it, of me on this blog with no eyelashes on my left eye. That’s why Oprah picked LaToya over me. She can’t have anyone on her network with eyelashes on one eye. I mean, really. It’s all Totsy’s fault, not paying attention to details. It certainly wasn’t for a lack of my skills or abilities.

This oversight on Oprah’s part calls for a tall glass of lemonade on the veranda in my skinny-dipping suit.


36 thoughts on “Oprah’s Giving Who Her Own Reality Show?

  1. Beatrice, I’d rather watch you any day of the week. Good heavens girl, even with one eyelash you are alluring. And frankly, you have a lot to say, some of it nonsense, but when did that stop anyone from getting to the top? La Toya is the weirdo sister. Heck, I’m sorry but the Jacksons are kind of a weirdo family. Talented (Michael and Janet anyway), and not ugly, but they are not people I could sit on the porch with and drink a sweet tea, now are they? Anyhoo, I’m writing Oprah right after I get off the computer this morning and asking her to reconsider. I’ve never watched her shows in the first place, but if you were on, I’d be glued to the set. Your friend, Linda


    • I understand weirdness to a certain degree. Not to the extent of Russell Crowe weird though. I hope you did write Oprah too. One Diva to another should get the point across. If you were tuned in to the show, I’d do all kinds of more crazy nonsense. Heck, I may even go on LaToya’s set and pull her hair just for GP.


  2. I like what Elsie said – Can’t wait until reality shows return to the dust! Is that a picture of Latoya? Yuck! I am with you girl on this one. Oprah need to retire and leave the world alone for a while. I’ll be your sidekick – from one Southern Lady to another! Now! Where’s that fan gone to?


  3. Yeeek!!! That’s what happened to LaToya Jackson? Jeez, kind of like Bo Derek from the days of “10” (what an idea, that one, when you think about it!) left out in the sun a bit too long. Maybe she’s been stalking you in that desert where Tots is holding you hostage …


    • I don’t know if it’s not Oprah. She’s got a bottom line too, so…She just hasn’t been challenged in the way of ratings up until now. I’ll get connected with Oprah for a show and she won’t have to worry about ratings. 🙂


  4. Reminds me of the day I was driving to work listening to the radio (Radio 5-Live on the BBC). A TV producer was being interviewed and responded to the question “why are there so many reality shows on TV now, instead of well written drama’s?”

    His response was clinical in its simplistic honesty.

    “Because, unfortunately, it is cheaper.”

    He went on to explain that it might cost £500K to write and produce a good drama, whilst the same cost could knock you out (my terminology not his) 10 reality shows.

    I therefore fear the deluge of talentless, see what I did there?, reality shows will continue :(.


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