Beatrice Goes Hollywood

Beatrice Goes Hollywood. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

Beatrice Goes Hollywood. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

Do I look stunning or did Totsy do a whack job on me? Today people, you can call me Holly Wood. That’s right, I’m all about the fabulosity and I just had the driver, cab that is, drop me off at the hotel, as I’m going to The Oscars. Have you ever been? I didn’t think so. However, I’m not here to boast…much. You see, I’m trying to talk Totsy into writing me into one of her novels. Well, not write me in so much as make me the star, okay?

I have this idea that it should be a romantic comedy with a twist of mystery, set right here in Hollywood. As you well, know, I’m all about getting the Hollywood scoop to you. And what do I have for you today?

Well, you know Kim Kardashian and Kanye are pregnant. They’re looking at buying a 15,000 square foot home. So they can’t find the baby, I suppose. There’s serious talk about The Bradgelinas getting married. Don’t believe the hype, people. While this event may or may not happen, I find it really interesting that a date was set after Jennifer Aniston became engaged. Angelina is more than a notion, don’t you think? Don’t ask me what Paris Hilton is up to. She’s disappeared into the yonders, as that country Totsy would say.

Anyway. The big scoop today is the scoop Oprah got on Lance Armstrong for enhancement drugs while riding his bicycle. Well, Lance is a proud man and baffled even the queen bee, but no worries there, the IRS wants their five million dollars from Lance and the IRS on your A.S.S. will break anybody down. You see, Lance was dating Sheryl Crow some years ago and when she had that scare with breast cancer, he flew off like a care-free bird, never to come back to be a support to her but well, Lance, I hope you have all the support you weren’t willing to give. Me being a Godly woman, despite my gossiping, I wouldn’t want anything else for you.

You see, once Totsy turns me into a Hollywood star by writing me into her book, I may be tempted to cheat the government too. They want more than their fair share and well, just say I’m looking out for my future deep pockets. You feel me?

I must cut this session short today, people. I’m sitting here dressed to the nines, expecting room service and forgot I was checked into the Motel 6.

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22 thoughts on “Beatrice Goes Hollywood

  1. Ooh, Bea, I just love your makeover. Tres chic! And you are one classy, witty dame. Sitting in Motel 6? You’re too good for that. Call Brangelina STAT and ask them to put you up at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Better yet, ask Lance!

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    • Why, thank you, Monica. Totsy made the arrangements for this trip. Worst yet, I’m nowhere close to the stage once I get to The Oscars. Can you spell balcony? There’s no way I can star gaze from that distance. I tried to track down Lance and got real close until that bicycle seat started feeling like a toothpick up my hiney.

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  2. Beatrice, in my humble opine, you should re-think the eye shadow, but you look ravishing as always. (I’m maybe just a little jealous of your style and panache!) Kim and Kanye will have a pretty baby I’m sure. He refers to her as his “baby mama” so you know he has tons of class.

    Lance is a jerk. Plain and simple. I think his parents knew it when he was born and that’s why they gave him a name like “Lance”. Who does that?

    Now who in their right mind would put a woman like you at a Motel 6? That’s something that just don’t sit right with me on any level. Still, you’re in Hollywood, so it’s all good.

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    • Ravishing is the word I was going for. I’ll ask Totsy to go light on the eye shadow next time. Maybe something on the natural side with a little glitter so I can pop.

      Hmmm…Never thought Lances to be jerk but I’m deliberating now and will be wary for here out with the Lances of the world. Kim and Kanye? I think that mother of hers is the one to look out for. She’d pimp a bug if she could.

      Yep, the Motel 6 it is. Dim lighting and I can hear the guest next door yawning. It’s awful. But I’m focused. I’m heading to The Oscars.

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  3. B – love the bee in your bonnet. You are most definitely the Queen B – couldn’t help it – and should be in living large on the page. On a serious note, you’re visual art never fails to take my breath. You’re blessed.

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