Totsy has decided to lay low, while I rise to fame. Get behind thee, Denzel and feel the breeze as I pass through but not too far, Baby. I really don’t mind a slight brush against the rear, okay?
I am loving myself today, people. Love is in the air, somewhere and so is racism. Isn’t that right, Paula? That’s Missus Dean, if you’re nasty and have a fluency in throwing racial epithets. You haven’t disappointed me, as I’ve been watching you closely before these revealing events came to Hollywood light. My southern queen of butter and heart attack food, I hope you’re held to the fire and burn on the witness stand. I hope the mirror that’s being held to you cracks and sends you to settle on your porch swing with knitting needles as you assess yourself. There’s nothing worse than getting caught and put on public blast for being yourself, is there Paula?
As for you, Melissa Etheridge, I want you to take back what you said about Angelina being a coward for undergoing a double mastectomy. No, that’s not the word you used but it boils down to the same thing. What I’d like to know is what does her decision about her body have to do with you? What makes you the queen of decision-making for women who may or not get breast cancer? I need you to take a back seat, put duct tape on it and mind your business. Stop judging Ms. Jolie based on what you decided to do with your body. We have enough of that going on in Washington, okay? Don’t make me get controversial on this blog. I’m here to flaunt my glory and here you are getting me into the neck-rolling business.
And last but not least, Oprah. I’m going to need you to cancel those Tyler Perry shows on your network. Yes, you’ve got serious programming issues, with enough self-help episodes to drive a person to eventually slit their wrist, but I really need you to pull the plug, rug or whatever. I’m just not feeling it…Ooh! Was that you, Denzel?