Hello, darlings. Beatrice is back and looking as fine as I am fabulous. I don’t have to tell you that, however. Make note people, I shall be the new trophy at George Clooney’s side in due time. Don’t hate or do a double-take because it’s high time he ceased locking lips with stick figures, okay? In the meantime, I’m having an affair with life and down at Kim Soo’s getting a pedicure and bikini wax. Please, don’t go green-eyed on me, though you may want to write a letter to your bathing suit manufacturer in China and blame them for you not looking as hot as me, okay? DEFECT!
I want to send a special shout of thanks to all of those sponsors who dropped Paula Deen. You shall be blessed with an autographed copy of me in a two-piece. Do keep it well hidden from the little wifeys who will, no doubt, be fetching a tall glass of Hatorade as soon as they lay eyes on all this fabulousness.
What is the Hollywood scoop today? Me! I am too cute and luscious for the likes of Hollywood today. I’m on my way to Paris to meet my nouveau beau, Jacques Etienne Savoire. I shall ponder if I’ll share the details of our rendezvous. Oui, oui mon ami. What happens in Paris may very well stay in Paris. You feel me? Besides, there’s no telling how this encounter may turn out. I met him on the Internet and his name may be Bob Sandwichead. Me being the meat, okay? But who in their right or wrong mind passes up a private jet to the city of love? I may at least send you a rear view photo of our hands in each other’s back pockets. If he’s not as cute as moi, you will definitely get a shot from the rear, okay?
Glory to the friendly skies and that big fine plane where I shall enjoy bonbons. George will have to wait until I return to see if I still have even a vague interest in pursuing him. After this ride Georgie, The Beatrice may not be into men without their own 747.