Hello, lovelies. As you can see, I’m on the set of The View and you can also see that I’ve taken the seat of the Head Huncho. Move on Barbs, The Beatrice is in the house. That’s right, I can fill your shoes and take over this joint if necessary.
People, I hope you’re View watchers because I get to have my say come the fall season, when Elizabeth, Joy and Barbara are long gone. I’ll be so glad when they make their final exit. Must I tell you…Of course, I must…that Elizabeth and Whoopi don’t get along. You see, the kitchen is too hot with Whoopi in there and Elizabeth can’t stand it, so she’s headed over to that network of opinionated journalists called Fox News, following in the footsteps of none other than Sarah Palin. You remember her, right? The one who ripped off her state and got a deal with Fox to rant and rave about what she reads in ALL the news magazines. Sarah, you must be exhausted, Sweetie. As for you Elizabeth, I say, go on. I won’t miss you and I’m sure Whoopi will be pleasantly pleased to see the back of you. And one last thing, Sugar. I hope you don’t get it in your mind to run for president. Though it would be quite farcical to see you and Sarah on the same ticket. You both are arrogant enough to do something so idiotic, I wouldn’t be surprised at all.
And Chris – I’m talking Jenner style – What in the world are you doing with a talk show, Hon? Why on earth do you have a new platform to continue talking about absolutely nothing? You are a silly woman. I can’t be too mad at you though because you are raking in the dough. If I were given a venue to be superficial, I’d most definitely play that up to the fullest and enjoy the ching-ching in my bank account too, girlfriend. You do that.
Well, View ladies, and Whoopi, it’s been nice chatting it up with you. I’m sorry you didn’t get an opportunity to talk. Personally, I think there are too many of you on the show anyway. It should be called The Views of Beatrice. Though, since nothing has been finalized, in the interim, I’d settle for Shut Up, Elizabeth.
Yours Dearly & Truly,