Guest Hosting The View

Google Image featuring Beatrice from Apt 7B

Google Image featuring Beatrice from Apt 7B

Hello, lovelies. As you can see, I’m on the set of The View and you can also see that I’ve taken the seat of the Head Huncho. Move on Barbs, The Beatrice is in the house. That’s right, I can fill your shoes and take over this joint if necessary.

People, I hope you’re View watchers because I get to have my say come the fall season, when Elizabeth, Joy and Barbara are long gone. I’ll be so glad when they make their final exit. Must I tell you…Of course, I must…that Elizabeth and Whoopi don’t get along. You see, the kitchen is too hot with Whoopi in there and Elizabeth can’t stand it, so she’s headed over to that network of opinionated journalists called Fox News, following in the footsteps of none other than Sarah Palin. You remember her, right? The one who ripped off her state and got a deal with Fox to rant and rave about what she reads in ALL the news magazines. Sarah, you must be exhausted, Sweetie. As for you Elizabeth, I say, go on. I won’t miss you and I’m sure Whoopi will be pleasantly pleased to see the back of you. And one last thing, Sugar. I hope you don’t get it in your mind to run for president. Though it would be quite farcical to see you and Sarah on the same ticket. You both are arrogant enough to do something so idiotic, I wouldn’t be surprised at all.

And Chris – I’m talking Jenner style – What in the world are you doing with a talk show, Hon? Why on earth do you have a  new platform to continue talking about absolutely nothing? You are a silly woman. I can’t be too mad at you though because you are raking in the dough. If I were given a venue to be superficial, I’d most definitely play that up to the fullest and enjoy the ching-ching in my bank account too, girlfriend. You do that.

Well, View ladies, and Whoopi, it’s been nice chatting it up with you. I’m sorry you didn’t get an opportunity to talk. Personally, I think there are too many of you on the show anyway. It should be called The Views of Beatrice. Though, since nothing has been finalized, in the interim, I’d settle for Shut Up, Elizabeth.

Yours Dearly & Truly,

Beatrice from Apt. 7B

23 thoughts on “Guest Hosting The View

    • Well, most TV doesn’t have spiritual offerings unless you’re tuned in to the Christian network. I take the meat out of everything and in this world of self-gratification, that’s all you can ask for. Check me out this fall and you’ll get a lot of meat, okay?


  1. Ooh, Beatrice! I’m so glad you’re on The View. Joy was always my favorite but with her leaving there’s a gap, and I can’t think of anyone better to fill it than you. So shut up, Elizabeth and welcome, Bea! Knock their socks off!


  2. I watched The View about twice, but everyone talked at once, so I couldn’t understand anything they said. The Views of Beatrice will be an immense improvement.


    • I used to get confused too but when I got serious about being a National Hollywood Gossip Correspondent, I knew all that cackling was something I’d have to get accustomed to because it was the show to watch. I’ll let the network know I’ve got one person signed to the petition for my show. 🙂


  3. The day Elizabeth took on Whoopi on racism and the black experience was the day I stopped watching. Whoopi was fabulous, but I just couldn’t take the yippy arrogance any more. I’ll miss Joy, but you darling would be a fabulous addition to the panel.


  4. Ah thank goodness to know I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. The only news in this that makes Elizabeth’s exit all the more sweeter is that Whoopi didn’t like her. I didn’t know this, you informed me of some crucial information in furthering my tremendous dislike of Elizabeth and her black roots.


  5. I think you’ll do quite fine, actually better than fine on The View, Beatrice! And you’re right: they should give the show over to you and call it The Views of Beatrice, maybe more people would watch. Hmm, wonder what their demographic is, since it seems none of your commenters here watch.


  6. The only thing wrong with that picture, above, is Beatrice’s left hand isn’t over Elizabeth’s mouth.

    Although sometimes I think it is better to give the idiots a microphone, that IS what some of America thinks. If you can call it thinking.


  7. Shut up Elizabeth — you go Beatrice! But perhaps we can add Shut up Jenny McCarthy — the anti-vaccine crusader. It’s unusual to have both Daily kos and Fox news talking about what an idiot a person is, but you’ve got that with Jenny.


  8. Seems like all the ones who can’t or won’t think for themselves end up on Fix News. See Sarah and Elizabeth, as you mentioned, but also Dick Morris and Neil Cavuto, among others.

    As for the View, I’ve only watched it a few times, but Babs should have left eons ago, and Liz is certainly no loss. But what Pea Brained idiot decided to replace one close-minded bottle blonde with another, in Jenny? Really!

    Although I’ve just run across your work, I think your refreshing candor would be a most pleasant addition to the View.


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