I was gonna share a really embarrassing secret with you but I chickened out. Like some of you, I’ve had some real quirky stuff to happen that I could write a comic book about my life. Some of it wasn’t funny at all when it happened, of course. Hindsight can be 20/20 with a shot of laughing gas. Know what I mean? But on to why I want your attention this fine day, folks…
I’ve been tuning in to Oprah’s Network and I think you’d be proud to know that I’ve grown up a lot since three weeks ago. Now, I fully understand myself better than I thought I did. That being said, I also understand you better too. I know. A few mere self-help programs is so not as deep as you are. Matter of fact, you’re the quintessential of whatever you think you are. Or something very close to it. I’m not here to say you’re not. Judge ye not…Judge not, want not…Forget it, okay? I’m sure you get my drift.
Anyhow. As a result of my newfound life, I now wear beads around my neck and chew grass viciously as I walk around barefoot with a macramé anklet on. I have a wardrobe of paisley dresses in the layaway. I haven’t announced my newfound life to anybody other than you. Sorta how they do it on reality TV, which I’m still a profound fan of.
I know. I’m supposed to be born again but you can’t expect me to give up everything. And remember, judge me not and I shall refrain from putting you in the headlock.
In hopeful conclusion to this new me and a better way of me seeing you, may the force of whatever makes you feel good keep making you feel as such. If you see a woman selling carnations as you exit the highway, it ain’t me.