Burning Questions

"Patterns" Recycled paper and Sharpie Pen / Copyright 2013 Totsymae

“Patterns” Recycled paper and Sharpie Pen / Copyright 2013 Totsymae 

Why are women so catty toward each other?  What in a woman’s DNA makes this so?


25 thoughts on “Burning Questions

  1. Totsy dear, if you have women in your life who are catty toward you, drop them. No one needs to accept that kind of behaviour in their life. You know I write about women’s friendship and the connections we make. With my first novel, an editor (that I did not hire) told me I had to put conflict and tension in the women’s relationships because that was a truer picture. I told him that was a stereotype into which I simply would not buy. Most women are not like the “Real Housewives of whatever…” . I know few catty women and certainly don’t spend any time with them. Don’t you do it either.
    Nice to see you here. I’ve missed you. I haven’t emailed because I have been what you might call snowed under!!!!


    • No, I don’t have women like that in my life but I have had them. Funny thing is, it took me awhile to realize that it was cattyness ’cause I wan’t thinking in those terms. It was a pattern of every two weeks, the drama was coming. The definition of catty became very clear to me during that experience.


    • Thank you so much for not listening to that editor. None of my friends have ever acted catty or mean towards other women so I don’t think it is the norm. I couldn’t even pull it off when I tried to be all into the drama just to fit in at school. It was never me.


  2. In many cases, yes. It is not necessarily about a specific man. But is often a woman will tie her self esteem into her ability to attract and/or keep a man. If she feels inferior to another woman( in appearance, talent or any other area), she will see this as an assault on her ego and a threat to her territory. This leads to catty behavior. It is why you don’t see women being catty to men. They are only catty to each other.


  3. I think it’s women who are insecure and feels threatened by another that behaves like that Totsy. I stay away from them and avoid them like the plague. 😀


  4. Without going all sociological on you, there are some deep-seated patriarchal systems built into our culture to pit women against each other in various competitions (who’s the better mother, cook, wife, girl friend, sex pot, or who has the best body or face?). Why? Because as long as women are sniping at each other, men don’t have to worry about women competing against them. It’s a theory.


  5. I never got the hang of cattiness. I even tried to be just so I would get picked on less in school. It’s just not in me. I CANNOT stand catty women as an adult. They are like fingernails on a chalkboard.


  6. Hey You,

    I love how you can ask the simplest question and start the most interesting thread. You have a way.

    As you know I lurk here, gaining a fly on the wall perspective most often, and a chuckle always from your delightful sense of humor. As always please keep it up as it enlightens my life too as much as it does others who frequent your blog.

    Totsy, I am however as a man slightly disconcerted by a few comments here that somehow blame men for catty behavior in women. Some of my friends suggest that I am a male feminist but indeed I am more to the point a humanist in that I am interested in promoting the unification of humanity regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

    As a black man, I know a little something about accountability and scapegoating. I believe hat the clearest path out of the forest of victimization is by taking responsibility for one’s actions, individually, and collectively and then subsequently rectifying the problem by changing behavioral patterns.

    If I know anything, I know that women in general are competitive. That innate characteristic coupled with inherent potential insecurities makes for a devil’s brew in the form of cattiness. If a particular woman is humble enough and honest enough to recognize this in her personality, the first step to changing it is owning it and not putting it onto the shoulders of men who have enough to contend with shouldering all the other chauvinistic, misogynistic, and egotistic derailings that we regrettably truly are responsible for.


    • Thank you again for your insightful input. I am a humanist. My thing is, when it all comes down to it, we are individually responsible for our acts. The important word missing is choice and as it is, no one is willing to take ownership. We can pass the buck and go tick for tack ’til the rapture but I don’t see the Maker accepting me pointing fingers when it comes to my behavior toward other folk.

      Me, myself, I never even thought of catty ways, ’til about 5 years ago, when I found myself constantly having problems with women. In my case, a man had nothing to do with it. The women were simply wicked in their own right, and quite good at it too. I had no training for that type of climate and it wasn’t conducive to the cool kinda chick I am. 🙂

      I think it’s a topic to explore further.


  7. This looks like has potential. Gonna try something like this. I have not visited, not getting notifications, but says follow activated? Could use ya for another guest post. Talk soon. Oh, other news: been several months in making but expect hard copy mock up for 100 cartoon book in few days from amazon/createspace !!!


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