Beatrice Goes Hollywood. Copyright 2013 Totsymae
Don’t laugh, people. But you do realize I’m on my way to being the next Hollywood It girl. Joining the circus was and has never been a part of the game plan. People, I’m currently on the road with Barnum and Bailey. AND. I’M. NOT. FEELING. THIS. If the air keeps blowing the scent of elephant dung in my direction, I swear on my Louis Vuitton handbag, I’m going to strangle myself. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, knows the trouble I’ve seen. This is what happens when you acquisition an agent from Craig’s List, okay? People, I was stuck like Chuck walking across that tightrope. Neither Denzel nor Patrick Dempsey were there to catch me if I fell. Where, oh where, is a strong, fine man to wrap his arms around you when you need one?
I think Katy Perry asks herself that question a lot. Now, why she pulled John Mayer and that ex of hers from the bottom of the Hollywood barrel, I haven’t figured out, other than the fact that she’s not man-smart. Katy, if you’d close your eyes just a tad, because you always look really surprised to me, I think you’d pick better. Stop going for men you have to fix, honey. I know you’ve got religion you grew up with but you’re beating dead horses, sweetie and you don’t want murder charges on your record. Let them GO. Matter of fact, give yourself time to air out. Don’t be like Jennifer Lopez. Let’s call her J. Lay because you can always count on something to be up and….Let’s leave it at that. Forgive me, I’m a Christian woman, people. The line is oh so delicately thin in this line of work.
And poor Jennifer. Aniston, that is. First, we hear it’s off and now, the wedding’s back on. Let us all bow our heads in prayer for Jennifer replacing Brad this June with a new hubby. It’s been a rough and rocky road for you, girlfriend. The struggle is so real, isn’t it? Ahem, cough…Let the bloggers say Amen, Amen and Aaaaaaamen. That ought to seal the deal for you, girlfriend. That’s how we do it down south, okay?
Well, to all you manless women, stay strong. Raise your fist but I tell you this, you’d better have a clean shave under there, alright? Life is short and made even shorter when you settle for anything. And that’s my belated womanly advice for you to conclude this celebration of Women’s History Month. And so, verily verily I say unto you people, The Bea is oh, so fabulous, even in a size plus, okay? Snap, snap baby. I’m out.
Divalisciously Yours,
All Things Totsy and Beatrice 
You go girl!
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And I’m gone.
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women are doin’ it for themselves. And some of those that aren’t probably should. 🙂
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Yes, they should. Unless you’re a groupie.
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Amen and Amen. Bea you said it all with this one.
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Let the music play, so the chips will fall where they may. That’s all I’m saying.
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I just love the Bea. She tells it like it is and then some. Yep. Poor Jennifer. So beautiful, so rich and somehow she seems so lonely.
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The world is still mourning the divorce. I kind of wonder what’s going on with her on the inside because yes, she’s beautiful on the outside. Then again, she seems beautiful in and out. I need to ponder this further if the wedding doesn’t happen…But let us pray.
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Raise you arm, but have it clean shaven. * I imagine this just flows out of you. You are turly one of a kind, Bea!
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Yes, it does, Ms Jodi. Just call The Bea the new Muhammed Ali, okay?
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