Where, Oh Where, Has Halle’s Man Gone?

Beatrice's Diva's Wall © Totsymae 2014

Beatrice’s Diva Wall © Totsymae 2014

Bonjour, lovelies. If you’re not enjoying spring, have a fling with life. Get off the couch, being a slouch and live. I realize I’ve a lot to say but that’s my job. Volunteer or otherwise, I take blowing hot air into the universe very seriously. Amen. Where, oh where is a good piece of gossip when you need it? Just call 1-800-The-Bea, alright?

What am I juiced up with this fine day? Halle. There’s only one and girl, you know I’d have to get around to you sooner and not too much later. Look Halle Baby, I mean Berry, what exactly is going on with you? I’m beginning to believe, exterior beauty aside, something is deeply and darkly wrong with your not being able to keep a man. They are fleeing all over the place. I’m not making fun. Not at all. My utmost concern is for the children. If you need to call me, I’ll install a therapeutic line specifically for you, girlfriend. It’s all good because I’ll accept PayPal and Bill Me Later, alright? I’m all about making it convenient to collect that ching, ching. Don’t get it twisted. High five…

And no, Barbara Walters, I didn’t forget about you either. You’re the priestess of journalism but I have to say, we, the public, are so okay with you leaving. We won’t cry. I’m not sure why you felt the need to announce your retirement a year early. Who does that? We don’t care as much as you think but we’ve enjoyed you. Yay, yay. Congratulations but bye, girl. I’m gunning for your seat on The View. Speaking of the show, Jenny, are you trying to look studious with those glasses? Get the contacts, girl. You’re doing too much. While you may be smart, we really don’t care. If you were covering the evening news, I’d give you a pass but being on The View, I feel it’s necessary to stop you at the door, okay?

Siiiiiigh. I’m out of breath and bursting at the seams, people. I mean, literally. This dress I purchased from Target is smaller than I thought. After eating two Dunkin Donuts, that is. I do declare, what’s a girl to wear to look fashionable these days. I could install a third line to call myself at 1-800-Too-Fine-To-Fit but I’m real okay with that. You feel me? And so, I shall leave you with that sexy image of me in your head because enough has been said, alright?

 

So Utterly Delicious,

Beatrice from Apartment 7B

 

 

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22 thoughts on “Where, Oh Where, Has Halle’s Man Gone?

  1. I’m so out of things on the US, I didn’t realize that Barbara was retiring–next year, of course. Love your attitude. I fear I’m bursting at the seams, as well, my friend.

    Hugs from Ecuador,
    Kathy

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    • Never fear. I shall keep you up to date, And that Barbara will retire this year. I’ve already sent her boxes to pack up her stuff.

      Just make sure you don’t eat any donuts, you’ll be fine. Pretty much like myself.]

      Hugs from the south.

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  2. Bea, I’m in. I’ll vote for you. (Of course I loathe Baba, but still i would love to see you more prominent, Bea!)

    Halle — we gotta fix things for Halle. She is good stuff, that lovely woman.

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      • I think she singlehandedly turned news from serious to fluff. And she did it on the evening news. News was serious before Baba. Now it is, at best, editorial. Baba was responsible for that change over. Because now it is all about personalities. And you know what? I don’t care that Putin likes to ride horses shirtless — I do care if he invades a country and amasses his army there. We no longer care about anything but the flesh.

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  3. Yeah, I wondered who would care about Barbara leaving. And then I forgot about it. Like, it’s about time. Why do so many of us fail at the marriage thing and happily ever after? And if a beauty like Halle has trouble, Jennifer, too, what chance for the rest of us? No need to answer. I already know. Sigh.

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    • We will miss Barbara as much as we miss Elizabeth, okay? Marriage is short for some, long for others. That’s how I see it. As for Halle, we’ll just have to get her checked in to a marriage rehab if her call to me doesn’t pan out. She probably need to not jump the broom again.

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