Freshly Fabulous

Beatrice from Apartment 7B

Beatrice from Apartment 7B

Good day, people. I’m here on the beach because I had a photo shoot, which I wanted to share. While some of you are working, and do count your blessings that you’re able, I’m going to enjoy kicking up sand for you and me, okay? I don’t mind at all. Anything leisure I can do on your behalf, put it in the comment box below.

After leaving the beach, I have a shopping appointment with my stylist. That would be Totsy (rolling eyes). My agent, you know, the one I got off Craig’s List, has booked me for an audition on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I am way past prepared to act a fool. You hear me? I’d be a Real Housewife any day than be Tori Spelling.

Tori, you’re going through some really awful stuff! I feel sorry for you and I NEVER feel sorry for rich people. Girl, you are so miserable in your marriage. In your life. However will you resolve this? I hope that show you and Jenny Garth have coming this summer is a success. That would be a good distraction for you. You NEED a distraction. Plus, I really like Jenny. Now, what I’d like to ask, Tori, because I’m quite perplexed…That time you were being filmed by the paparazzi and you were yelling for them to get the cameras off of you, what’s up with that? Can you spell reality show?

Yes, Dean cheated on you. It happens to a lot of women, girl. You, unfortunately, weren’t exempt from a husband’s infidelity. Now, my sources tell me the two of you got together while he was married to his former wife, which confuses me even more. What went around recycled back to you. Stop it with all of this devastation on the TV screen. What I feel sorry for is that you don’t get what I get and I don’t think you ever will.

Verily, verily I say unto you, people, don’t give what you can’t take. As always, I have enjoyed our visitation but I must, as we say in the south, get the mule out of the corn. While I look ravishing in this swimwear, it is crawling into some undesirable places all on its own, okay?


Divaliciously Yours,

Beatrice from Apartment 7B














12 thoughts on “Freshly Fabulous

  1. Bea, the suit is the bomb and I am so happy to see you in a hat. Please keep that up want to see hats back on heads! I keep trying to bring them back in style but I just don’t have the pull.

    As to Tori, weren’t they both married? You are so right in what you say.


    • Thank you. That little number was cut from one of Totsy’s abstract pieces in her latest video. Hats are my thing, girlfriend. I must have it to protect my loveliness from the sun. Know what I mean?

      I think I do recall them both being married when they got together. They deserve each other.


  2. I love the bathing beauty painting by the way. Beatrice, if you only remember one piece of advice from someone, remember this one. “If he cheats with you. He will cheat on you.” Every damn time. No exceptions.


  3. Beatrice knows how to work it! What goes around comes around, Ms. Tori. I don’t feel a tinge a’ sorry for those dumb celebrities. “get the mule out of the corn”? You are Southern Belle Certified! As if you didn’t already know!


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