I really can sing, people. Just wait, Totsy will definitely pay for throwing me under the bus. I won’t waste another thought on her, however. How are you all doing? I’m just leaving choir practice myself. As for my gospel debut, as soon as I opened my mouth, a slow belch preceded, found its way into my notes, drifted into the air and knocked on a rusty, metal door. I’ll earn your ear before the rapture, okay?
And believe it or not, that’s all I have for you today, people. I may have caught myself a case of Larrygitis. What do you think?
This is Totsy, reporting the evening news. And this is a hot mess off the press, folks. I need you to sit down and put your feet up for this.
Over the weekend, I learned there’s a church down here that worships Beyonce. So far, only 203 women folk have joined. No men yet but if somebody can think of such foolishness, then a man may wind up giving his life over to Beyonce too. Should you men folk decide to uproot and head thisaway to join up, you will have to give up your manhood. I don’t know what all that entails and being a news reporter, I can’t tell you which way to think. I reckon that means wearing a Single Ladies’ outfit with heels and shooting videos. I don’t rightly know, so I’ll leave it up to you to ask. I also recognize some men folk wouldn’t mind this sorta thing atall, so go for what you know or don’t.
Now, should you decide on confessing your love for Divine Diva Bey, as she’s called in this church, your denomination is Beyism, not Foolishism or Crapism, okay? You’re just as legitimate as Scientology, I reckon and I ain’t judging. This is as real as toe jam. Check the link out for yourself.
Thank you for tuning in to the ridiculousness I find myself reporting to you today. I just thought you should know if your soul is on the lost-and-don’t-know-if-it’s-gonna-be-found side. Know that your restless spirit has a place at the International Church of Foolery, I mean, Beyonce.
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