Damsel in Deep Distress

bea on phone

What ever will she think of next? I am too beautiful to withstand this kind of humiliation from Totsy. Yet, here I am with my very own paparazzi. Where is a good and dear friend when you need one? I assure you, it sure isn’t her. Get in the driver’s seat and hit me with a bus, so that Denzel can save me, people. I am a damsel in deep distress as I look at this image of myself…Uuuuuuh…Fainting.

I was intending to talk about Sherri Shephard’s pending divorce and how her husband is filing for custody of their unborn surrogate child, while her ex-hubby is filing for custody of the son they have together and wondering why Sherri married her current husband without checking his work credentials, which, to my findings, he doesn’t have very much of any in the entertainment industry as he and Sherri led her to believe, because get this people, he isn’t working at all and apparently, does very little to nothing around the house. Catching breath…

Also, according to my sources, Sherri signed a prenuptial agreement that she would disburse $60,000 from her account should they divorce. Now, while Sal, the estranged hubby is slightly on the lazy side, I must also say he’s very low budget too, okay? Well, being a woman who was confused and ready to marry, Sherri signed the agreement but Sal is fighting to overthrow everything he agreed to because guess what, he wants more, of course.

Why, I’m just as confounded as Sherri as to why she didn’t check her resources since she’s doing it with all the people she talks about on The View. What a huge egg on her face. It’s akin to your dress ripping in two as you’re walking down the red carpet and catching a breeze on your backside with cameras flashing, only to see it advertised at the grocery store in a free magazine that sells used cars and…If it can happen to me, it can happen to you too, okay?

Anyway, Sherri. Take a slow ride down the aisle to matrimony on your third go-around.

 

Hardest Working Woman on the ATL Strip,

Beatrice from Apt. 7B

 

Getting the Juice

"Red Bikini" Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

“Red Bikini” Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2013 Totsymae

Good day, people. I’m wrapping up my time on the beach on the Georgia coast. Glory to my fabulousness but I had to bless spectators and haters with one last look before the summer heads completely south. I am the definition of Diva and can’t help myself. Okay? As I lie here looking oh so beautiful, I’m sipping on a tall glass of Hollywood juice and my insides are so utterly full, I just have to spill it. Hello?

As you perhaps know by now, Miley, as in Virus Cyrus (VC), has been dumped, kicked to the curb and recycled into the singles market. As we’re no longer in the Garden of Eden, the Now Ex didn’t take too well to all that nakedness and us knowing her in such a fashion. I do believe she’s sealed that oversized tongue in her mouth at this current time, haven’t you VC? But your daddy’s so very proud of you and I wish all of you happy therapy sessions in the future because you’re not trying to hear it now, are you girl? Well, strip it until you rip it and do you until you get a clue that thick is in and you’re too thin to be taking your clothes off before the public. We’re not hardly that desperate to see skin. Okay? You need to come down south and eat a good meal or two. Alright? And bring the president with you because he’s looking rather thin these days.

Rumor has it that Now Ex was cheating but what’s the biggy, really? Miley was openly cheating with the public with all that gyrating on stage. I know I supported you initially, Miley but I get tired of people on the swift and you’re on the list, sweetie. And before I take a break from you, I do hope you’re on the organ donor’s list because I’m real sure somebody could put that tongue to better use. Did I mention I was tired of you, Miley?

People, as I lie my beautifulness here and continue to bless the public, I want you to know that I’m in mourning over the separation of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. Catherine, I think you’re beautiful and I wish you and Michael the best for the rest of your lives. I never thought people divorced at 60-plus but it happens. I know the papers haven’t been filed but well…Umph, umph umph…(Sniff, sniff)

Kimye, as in Kim and Kanye. I must admit, you two made yourselves a beautiful baby. However, I feel terribly sorry for you, Kim. Your baby’s daddy  is a nut who likes to cut up in public. To put it more accurately, ‘cut a fool’ as Totsy would say. Not even you deserve that and especially not your daughter. Be blessed, you and North West, and know which way is up because when Kanye sees the paparazzi, you and North will need to know when to duck. Okay?

As always, it’s been a pleasure. I want to thank my congregation of bloggers for reading me. Lord have mercy on all those who aren’t nearly as fabulous as me. Amen.

Always True,

Beatrice from Apartment 7B