My Illustrious Fascination with Stupidity

In real life, I’m kinda serious. I can be on the silly side, and on another side, I can be like, whatever. I think, and of course I’ve given this serious, meditative thought, but I believe I’ve a fascination with stupidity. Now, I don’t do silly things like breathe heavily into the phone to my exes, mow the lawn in a bikini or none of that. It’s been a thought but time should be cherished and not wasted, which doesn’t match up with my gravitation to reality TV.

Yesterday, my sister was telling me the show Oprah produces on her network, Iyanla Fix My Life, is looking for folks to fix. Once upon a time ago, I was cool with this concept but on the serious side, I told her I’d have to be paid to air my dirty laundry; i.e. a reality show. Nobody’s getting all up and inside of my business for free, know what I’m saying? I also told her any issues I felt I had, I’m gonna go use my insurance to get worked on. If that’s not logical, you tell me what is, okay?

I, folks, feel like if anybody’s gonna profit off my issues, it should be me. If my issue is what’s making the show, that means I’m the star, however foolish I’ve been but I should be handsomely compensated to keep somebody else’s business profitable. Now, I will say, I like that show, as I do Dr. Phil. Having been a dedicated follower, I’m problem-free, other than the fact that I watch reality TV. It’s a bittersweet dilemma and I wonder if they’d encourage me to stop watching them.

Now, believe it or not, folk tell me, “Totsy, you’re so smart,” and I’ll think, Yeah, right. In the times we’re in now, along with my reality, smart has little to do with opening a book but rather, if you can get on TV and catapult your success beyond a yearly raise. It’s not sitting in a cubicle and working overtime, which you only see half of. Or going to work when you’re sick ’cause these days, your job is dangled over your head like a bouquet of Hershey’s Kisses. Uh uh, folks, it’s all about finding your inner fool and acting on it, which my dear folks, I’m giving serious thought to.

 

(Rolling Eyes) Why Is She Onstage Now?

 

If you’ve been visiting Totsymae dot com for awhile, you know I’m a faithful Dr. Phil watcher. I know. He’s a showboat. Kinda rude. Sometimes arrogant. And powders down his bald spot. That’s okay. Every one of us has that potential, so let’s move past all that, can we?

Folks, if you don’t know already, I’ve been wanting to sit in Robin’s spot in the audience. I mean, first of all, I’m not sure why she’s there other than to keep other women folk off her man. I get it but as far as I’m concerned, she can wait for him backstage after the show’s over. As it is though, she’s taking up a seat in the audience, which could rightly be mine if I were to go to Cali.

Now, I’m not wanting Dr. Phil, just the seat, okay? I don’t wanna have to go all the way to Cali, wait in line and the last seat I could’ve had is occupied by her.  Folks, I wouldn’t wanna commence to duking it out with Robin over no chair she shouldn’t be occupying. For that hour, Dr. Phil belongs to us and so do those chairs. Why ever does she need to be in his face ALL the time? Are there insecurity issues she needs to go to therapy about? I mean really, Robin!

In addition to the audience chair, folks, Robin’s now onstage running off at the mouth as if she’s somebody we wanna hear. We don’t, do we? I thought not. Matter of fact, I should be onstage. I can talk just as much nonsense as her. Plus, Dr. Phil wouldn’t have to come home to me after hanging out with me ALL day and roll his eyes. You know how he does it when he’s sick of his guests onstage. I’m pretty sure Robin gets the same business after going to work with him, eating breakfast together, knocking on his dressing room door, walking on the set with him, eating dinner, and then going to bed. It’s ridiculous.

I understand that video has absolutely nothing to do with this post. The same applies to Robin on the Dr. Phil Show, okay?

 

Where, Oh Where, Has Halle’s Man Gone?

Beatrice's Diva's Wall © Totsymae 2014

Beatrice’s Diva Wall © Totsymae 2014

Bonjour, lovelies. If you’re not enjoying spring, have a fling with life. Get off the couch, being a slouch and live. I realize I’ve a lot to say but that’s my job. Volunteer or otherwise, I take blowing hot air into the universe very seriously. Amen. Where, oh where is a good piece of gossip when you need it? Just call 1-800-The-Bea, alright?

What am I juiced up with this fine day? Halle. There’s only one and girl, you know I’d have to get around to you sooner and not too much later. Look Halle Baby, I mean Berry, what exactly is going on with you? I’m beginning to believe, exterior beauty aside, something is deeply and darkly wrong with your not being able to keep a man. They are fleeing all over the place. I’m not making fun. Not at all. My utmost concern is for the children. If you need to call me, I’ll install a therapeutic line specifically for you, girlfriend. It’s all good because I’ll accept PayPal and Bill Me Later, alright? I’m all about making it convenient to collect that ching, ching. Don’t get it twisted. High five…

And no, Barbara Walters, I didn’t forget about you either. You’re the priestess of journalism but I have to say, we, the public, are so okay with you leaving. We won’t cry. I’m not sure why you felt the need to announce your retirement a year early. Who does that? We don’t care as much as you think but we’ve enjoyed you. Yay, yay. Congratulations but bye, girl. I’m gunning for your seat on The View. Speaking of the show, Jenny, are you trying to look studious with those glasses? Get the contacts, girl. You’re doing too much. While you may be smart, we really don’t care. If you were covering the evening news, I’d give you a pass but being on The View, I feel it’s necessary to stop you at the door, okay?

Siiiiiigh. I’m out of breath and bursting at the seams, people. I mean, literally. This dress I purchased from Target is smaller than I thought. After eating two Dunkin Donuts, that is. I do declare, what’s a girl to wear to look fashionable these days. I could install a third line to call myself at 1-800-Too-Fine-To-Fit but I’m real okay with that. You feel me? And so, I shall leave you with that sexy image of me in your head because enough has been said, alright?

 

So Utterly Delicious,

Beatrice from Apartment 7B

 

 

Laughing: A Cure-All for What Ails You

Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2014 Totsymae

Watercolor on paper. Copyright 2014 Totsymae

Laughing is not only therapeutic, it can make you lose inches from your waistline. You may have to find multiple things to laugh at or recall what’s been funny to you in the past. It’s not all the time necessary to work out hard in the gym. Besides, laughing is free. There’s no contract involved and one thing for sure, you won’t have to decide whether to do it or not or drive anywhere to do it. It’s a natural way to lose those inches without the ‘No pain, no gain’ motto.

Laughing also is a temporary cure for depression and loneliness. I know it’s hard to laugh at anything when you’re in this state  of mind but you have to do something to bring yourself outta this. Laughing frees your brain from being clogged up with bad thoughts. Folk will often join in if you have a hearty laugh, whether they know what you’re laughing about or not. You can make friends this way, if you laugh from the gut. Thus, become less lonely. You should stop laughing, however, after five minutes or folk are gonna think you’ve lost your mind. Look at your watch and wind down your laughing at about four minutes. If, however, you’re alone, which you very well may be, laugh as long as you want but Lordy mercy, don’t you dare cry afterwards. Should you cry, please see your family physician and get yourself a prescription for some happy pills.

Laughing is also a way to flush out your kidneys if something is side-splitting funny. I don’t advise you to drink a lotta liquids, unlessen you absolutely need flushing out that bad. Though, you may wanna be careful ’cause you could very well flush out the back end too. Know what I mean? I don’t think you want that, especially if you’re visiting folks or sitting on the bench at the mall. Yeah, be real careful about that, with folk carrying camera phones and whatnot. You absolutely wouldn’t wanna go viral in that fashion.