Abandoned Resolution

 

It All Started with Underarm Shaving

The Supremes. Google Image.

Women have certainly come a long way. Depending on who you ask, some may say we’re outta control. Every now and again, I’ll pop in my Diana Ross & the Supremes CD and while that was before my time, I really like their singing. Those girls came a looooong way.

Back then too, women pretty much kept their clothes on. Times were different. You know, on the Republican conservative side when it came to dressing up. Even on stage to sing. I thought about this change short but hard, folks. How we dress and all, as in taking it off to make a dollar all started with underarm shaving. Seems like once that movement caught on, women folk started talking louder, smoking them thin cigarettes, spitting on the sidewalk and whatnot, we decided to go unclad in public. I mean, a woman can’t be all hairy and whatnot on the cover of Vogue or Penthouse. Just wouldn’t be a good visual, know what I mean?

Now, I’m on the fence about this whole skin is in movement. It’s just not fair to regular ole women folk, thinking they can mimmick their looks after Hollywood photoshopped pictures. It’s totally delusional and I know some men agree with me. I don’t care how liberated women are, some should absolutely refrain from those jeggings. Your reputation goes way down when you make certain decisions, okay? Even some thin women shouldn’t have a cashier ringing up such a purchase. You don’t get a pass on that because you’re small. Fair is fair.

When I was in Saudi Arabia, there were religious police. They gave you the business if you weren’t wearing your get-up right. Word was from the westerners (and you know how we exaggerate what we don’t understand), that you could go to jail for dress code infractions. Maybe. Maybe not. I didn’t test that theory. You feel me? Probably there should be similar positions in western countries, to uphold some kinda dress standard ’cause some women folk don’t know they’re in the wrong. That would be a good moonlighting job for me but even I would have to take some kinda test to prove I understand the rights and wrongs of fashion.

I can’t let you fellas off the hook either though and I’ll be straight to the point. Men folk, why is it the older you get, the higher those pants rise up toward your chest? What’s up with that, is my burning question.

Under the Knife

“Ready Food” Digital Art / Copyright 2013 Totsymae

It’s official. Obesity is now a disease. I’m not sure what to make of it. Other than the fact that I know I need to get some pounds offa me. I know my problem ain’t about no disease. I’ve been pure lazy. Not that I’m obese but I better do something quick, fast and in a hurry. Know what I mean?  This has gotten ridiculous and I’m on my nerves.

First, it was too cold to go out walking. Or, I didn’t have time, Or, I was too hot, OR. OR. OR! You get my drift? Now, the excuse is that I’m tired and my feet hurt and I need my rest and whatever else I can think of. But I tell you the honest truth folks. My feet are hurting today. I am tired and you might as well say when it comes right down to the nitty gritty of my matter, I don’t wanna be bothered with no exercise.

Yeah, I know all about how it makes the dolphins flip and feel good inside of you but I don’t have anymore. They went hunting, swimming or something or another and I’m not trying to hurry’em back this way. I tell you what though. I’m thinking of following thls new trend of getting the fat sucked right outta me. It’s easy and darn near free, with insurance. Matter of fact, I’m gonna have some muscles inserted to all the right places so I’ll look like I’ve been exercising all my life. Know what else? I’m gonna have some legs installed that’ll walk for me and get a whole new face ’cause I’m about tired of this one anyhow. I’m gonna start a charitable organization too, where fat is donated to my non-profit and I, in turn,  feed the hungry and charge all the skinny folk for fat out there wearing leggings like they get a pass just ’cause they’re skinny. Uh. No.

It’s a good plan, if I do say so myself. Why, with folk loving quick food the way they do, I may as well open up a fast food joint. Why not? Y’all all about recycling, right?