A Slut with Her Hand in Your Pocketbook

“Beatrice Jones” Copyright 2012 Totsymae

Are you at all surprised John Edwards’ chick on the side has written a tell-all book? Are you? Is this not the most predictable, yet lowdown and dirty acts that’s occured this year?

Look Rielle, I don’t typically do politics. I’m a National Hollywood Gossip Correspondent (NHGC). But then there’s you. I don’t know what category to put you in. You’re not a politician, or really, a professional woman for that matter. Tell the truth, you were a struggling artist, posing as a videographer who slept your way to getting connected with the fallen senator, right? You were trying to be the next Monica Lewinsky but John tripped  on his road to the White House when he fell between your legs, right?

Oh, I’m not judging. You’re the one who’s so-called ‘written the book.’ You’re the one who’s calling my attention to how low you are; therefore, I have every right to let you know what’s on my mind. Why can’t you leave well enough alone? There won’t be a movie. That just doesn’t happen with men who don’t make it to the White House. Why don’t you go somewhere and raise your child out of the limelight? You’ve taken enough tax dollars in the hotels you slept in with John and that costly lawsuit that was brought against him. Why can’t you simply go away like Monica Lewinsky did? Don’t you realize everytime we think of her, we think of Bill’s peter in her mouth under the oval desk? How do you want us to think of you, Rielle? Why are you bothering us and killing trees with a book? We, nor the trees, deserve that.

What I want you to do, Sweetie, is to go raise your daughter somewhere that nobody’s heard of you. Give her a chance to be the decent person you aren’t. Stop ramming it down our throats that you’re a homewrecker. Yes, I know it was John’s choice to cover up the affair and do the wild thing with you but this is a woman to woman conversation and I’m talking to you, Sweetie Pie. Do you have any redeeming qualities that I can leave my readers with? Have you ever thought of anyone besides yourself? I’m not buying you grocery by purchasing your book, Rielle. Just go off and live with Johnny, as you call him, and leave us alone. We already know what really happened and realize what you’re trying to do. You’re a slut out for quick bucks and I don’t know anyone’s who is remotely interested in reading this book you’ll be trying to pimp to us, okay? I sure hope I don’t, anyway.

As for you, John. I saw your little fake interview you and Elizabeth had with Oprah before she went off the air. However did you think you could get away with it, Johnny? Do you ever sit and ponder that question or was it that what Rielle had between her legs was so worth it?

Signed,

Beatrice from Apt. 7B