A Slut with Her Hand in Your Pocketbook

“Beatrice Jones” Copyright 2012 Totsymae

Are you at all surprised John Edwards’ chick on the side has written a tell-all book? Are you? Is this not the most predictable, yet lowdown and dirty acts that’s occured this year?

Look Rielle, I don’t typically do politics. I’m a National Hollywood Gossip Correspondent (NHGC). But then there’s you. I don’t know what category to put you in. You’re not a politician, or really, a professional woman for that matter. Tell the truth, you were a struggling artist, posing as a videographer who slept your way to getting connected with the fallen senator, right? You were trying to be the next Monica Lewinsky but John tripped  on his road to the White House when he fell between your legs, right?

Oh, I’m not judging. You’re the one who’s so-called ‘written the book.’ You’re the one who’s calling my attention to how low you are; therefore, I have every right to let you know what’s on my mind. Why can’t you leave well enough alone? There won’t be a movie. That just doesn’t happen with men who don’t make it to the White House. Why don’t you go somewhere and raise your child out of the limelight? You’ve taken enough tax dollars in the hotels you slept in with John and that costly lawsuit that was brought against him. Why can’t you simply go away like Monica Lewinsky did? Don’t you realize everytime we think of her, we think of Bill’s peter in her mouth under the oval desk? How do you want us to think of you, Rielle? Why are you bothering us and killing trees with a book? We, nor the trees, deserve that.

What I want you to do, Sweetie, is to go raise your daughter somewhere that nobody’s heard of you. Give her a chance to be the decent person you aren’t. Stop ramming it down our throats that you’re a homewrecker. Yes, I know it was John’s choice to cover up the affair and do the wild thing with you but this is a woman to woman conversation and I’m talking to you, Sweetie Pie. Do you have any redeeming qualities that I can leave my readers with? Have you ever thought of anyone besides yourself? I’m not buying you grocery by purchasing your book, Rielle. Just go off and live with Johnny, as you call him, and leave us alone. We already know what really happened and realize what you’re trying to do. You’re a slut out for quick bucks and I don’t know anyone’s who is remotely interested in reading this book you’ll be trying to pimp to us, okay? I sure hope I don’t, anyway.

As for you, John. I saw your little fake interview you and Elizabeth had with Oprah before she went off the air. However did you think you could get away with it, Johnny? Do you ever sit and ponder that question or was it that what Rielle had between her legs was so worth it?

Signed,

Beatrice from Apt. 7B

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35 thoughts on “A Slut with Her Hand in Your Pocketbook

  1. I was so sorry to see him fall. He seemed like he had a feel for the plight of common working people, despite his wealth, and wanted to make government the people’s friend not their enemy. I think the recent charges against him were frivolous,

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  2. Normally I hate the word “slut” because it blames the woman, when the man is equally responsible. In this case, however, I think Rielle earned the word. A book deal, really? I’m sure she’ll get a nice advance. All I can say is, time to buy up some good books from real authors!

    …and I agree with Carl. Edwards’ fall felt like such a betrayal to me. I really thought he was one of the good guys.

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  3. This woman is ridiculous. I wish she’d just go away. I don’t know the “why?” but why can’t these guys choose normal women who don’t want to be on the cover of the National Enquirer?

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  4. Dear Beatrice,

    Home wrecking hoochie mamas are everywhere. She should be shamed as you so beautifully illustrated. Will she be? Likely not. Society is just too damned nosy and will likely give her more money that she doesn’t deserve for the privilege of a peek. It’s a disgrace in many ways.

    My biggest disappointment is in John. He truly looked as if he had the will and moral fiber to make a difference but alas he fell SMH.

    Very funny piece as usual. Missed your special brand of acerbic wit ;).

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    • And Dear Coco,

      Where in the world have you been? Must be halfway through your book, you’ve been gone so long.

      As you say, she will perhaps get more money from somewhere. I was also disappointed with John. He, I thought, was one of the rare good guys. I even thought he might be a good running mate who could eventually move the country forward. Lord have mercy, I read him wrong like so many other people.

      Glad to have you back.

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  5. –I can’t figure out who is more appalling…. Old Dirty Johnny or the Homewrecker.

    But I do know one thing, Elizabeth was a SAINT. An absolute Saint for putting up with that horrible, horrible man without soul or character.

    & out of all the woman in the United States, he picked one just like himself.

    Xxx

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  6. Being from NC I can only say that many of us were and are terribly dissapointed in John Edwards and his choices. Thank goodness he fell before rising closer to the White House. As for Elizabeth Edwards, she handled herself with so much dignity and grace. All I can think about John is that he has thrown away so much goodwill and faith and the shame and disgrace must be monumental. How can he ever look his children in the eye?

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  7. I feel so sorry for that precious little girl! The tabloids keep referring to her as the “love child.” What does that sort of talk do to the soul of a child? And what of his older daughter standing up there trying to support her father through all this? Lord help us all…

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  8. Beatrice you said what many of us need to say! The word is No, not buying the book, not buying the line of BS this woman is laying down. Thank you for saying it.

    I might not have called her slut before the book. I certainly would call her Slut now.

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  9. When I saw the title, I was curious. Which slut’s got her hand in Totsy’s pocketbook, I wondered? Then I realized it was that slut. She’s written the book, hasn’t she? I’m still wondering which publisher gave her an advance (so I can boycott them). It makes me so angry that they’d give $$$ to someone like her and ignore writers with better stories to tell.
    To see how much of a slut she is, she had the nerve to paint Elizabeth Edwards, who is a saint, if there ever was one, in a bad light. I forget now what exactly she said. How could you malign the woman who’s marriage you wrecked? How can she put on paper her sordid little life when she has a daughter, who will grow into a woman, to raise? Incidentally, they had on tv the other evening, footage of the little girl with John Edwards, a big disappointment to me, at the beach. He was not even interacting with the child. He looked like he was on a court-mandated visit with someone he wanted nothing to do with. It was sad. Mommy wasn’t only a smidge better. It’s a total mess!
    But Beatrice/Totsy, you’ve said what I’ve thought but never thought of putting on paper.

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