Once Upon My Abaya

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Good gawdy mighty, folks! It’s hot down south. How hot, asks the chorus. It’s hotter than deacons looking down women folks bosom, okay? How hot again, sang the chorus. It’s so hot, it’s hot, alright? I’m gonna hide myself in this here house and be a bat. You know, come out at night. I’m careful too, considering I have a cousin dealing with skin cancer. It’s been a rough patch for him and he’s only 24, around there somewhere.

I was thinking maybe I should slip my abaya on but I don’t know how well I could pull off being a Muslim here. Not that I’m gonna be praying to Allah five times a day and whatnot. I won’t do that. I just need to hide myself from the rays. And I’mma tell you folks, when I went over to Saudi coupla years ago to work, I didn’t know much about nothing. The first time I wore that abaya, all I had underneath was my undies. I’m serious.

You see, the fabric, eventhough it’s black, is real thin. Like a thin polyester nightgown. Oh, I was real cool underneath. I was so wrong in wearing it though ’cause I was s’pose to have clothes on underneath. I was chilling under there like a natural born popsicle, okay? Then, a strange thing happened to me at the airport.

My first landing place was Riyadh, okay? I just had on a long skirt and my arms covered. Hey, far as I knew, I fell within the dress code. Then, the driver took me shopping for my abaya. I bought two. Well, not knowing I was supposed to be clothed under there, I get my behind to the airport and in the midst of handling my luggage and all, the darn thing goes to unsnapping so damn fast. I was like, whooooaaaa, what’s going on here? And why’s this just happening to me? Folks, it was almost a strip show up in that airport, alright?

I tell you what. While I went and learned a whole lot, I don’t miss it. I had a hellified time getting outta there. I don’t wanna go no place where I need an exit visa to get out, okay? I’m all about that get up and go, you feel me? Shooooot…Anyhow, I may just put on my abaya to ward off the heat. Did I mention on my way back, one was ripped as I was going down the escalator? I’m telling you, that escalator tried to rip the clothes off my backside, you hear me? Good thing I had clothes on underneath, huh.

 

 

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26 thoughts on “Once Upon My Abaya

  1. This is hysterical, Totsy. OMG. You haven’t talked about that trip in a long time. Can you tell us now, why did you go? What were you doing there and how long did you end up staying? Did you ever see the Ben Affleck film, “Argo”? I imagine your departure from the Middle East was something like in that movie. If that’s the case, I’d have been pretty scared. Something I’d never want to experience.

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    • Yeah, that’s a hard place to talk about, honestly. I don’t talk about it much at all. I’ll have to check out the film. Never even heard of it. Sorry to dodge all your questions but I’m gonna have to dodge your questions.

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  2. It was a lot easier for Alex to be a Navajo in the Kingdom than it was for you being a Georgia girl in the Kingdom. I’m just glad one of those rich Saudi Royals didn’t snatch you up!

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