There were no winners in the Got Game? contest. That means everybody lost. I’m so sorry. This loss must be akin to losing the lottery on a Saturday night after being stood up. Oh well, maybe next time. Although you couldn’t guess the song, it was fitting for Beatrice on her rise to fame and all. She needed a reminder ’cause she’s real good at inflating herself. Now, many of you liked the voice behind the music and her name is Rebecca Ferguson. I don’t watch talent shows but she was on The X Factor and is British. I so happened to discover her on Youtube but she’s been around a few years. The title of the song is the title of this post. At any rate, you were introduced to a talent you liked, so you’re a winner after all.
Monthly Archives: May 2014
Life Is Hard
Watercolor/Ink on paper
It really is. All in a span of 10.5 minutes, this is my conclusion. Don’t try to tell me any different ’cause after I’ve spent time in the yard messing up stuff, I’m convinced. Instead of being out there, in the first place, ’cause no Southern Belle should be working no yard, I should’ve been shopping or in Paris or even hanging out with Beatrice or somewhere in a corner talking to my damn self would’ve been better. But noooooo, I had to be Ms. Landscaper.
In the second place, the fella I called should’ve come like he said he would. Didn’t call, text or give me no kinda holler back. Well, I took it upon myself last week to get one of those machines that trims the hedges since he wasn’t interested in making money. Call me Jason ’cause I was handling them bushes, okay? Then! In all of 5.5 minutes, I, Ms. Self-Proclaimed Landscaper, cut right into the extension cord. How it got wrapped in the blade, well, if I knew I could’ve prevented it, okay?
Well, I go off to the hardware store to purchase another. I had somebody doing some work on my AC who volunteered to fix the damaged cord. Said to take the new one back but I figure there would be times where I could be trimming and Little Totsy could blow the debris from the walk and driveway. Okay. I keep it. He fixes the other. I go to trimming with the new cord. I’m trimming away, real delighted with myself for using this new machine ever, and next thing I know, within 5 minutes, which adds up to the 10.5, the same thing happens. And I was so careful that time. I thought so. I swear to you the cord was behind me and it got cut anyway.
Now, I know you’re thinking these very relevant questions, Is Totsy into the cord buying business? If so, how will she ever make a profit? You’re probably also thinking, I’d never let that dufus use my stuff. Why won’t she sit down somewhere and paint? Well, I’ve been having the same thoughts and now that I’m safely tucked inside the house, I’m due a serious nap. I’ll answer those questions at a later time.
Freshly Fabulous
Beatrice from Apartment 7B
Good day, people. I’m here on the beach because I had a photo shoot, which I wanted to share. While some of you are working, and do count your blessings that you’re able, I’m going to enjoy kicking up sand for you and me, okay? I don’t mind at all. Anything leisure I can do on your behalf, put it in the comment box below.
After leaving the beach, I have a shopping appointment with my stylist. That would be Totsy (rolling eyes). My agent, you know, the one I got off Craig’s List, has booked me for an audition on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I am way past prepared to act a fool. You hear me? I’d be a Real Housewife any day than be Tori Spelling.
Tori, you’re going through some really awful stuff! I feel sorry for you and I NEVER feel sorry for rich people. Girl, you are so miserable in your marriage. In your life. However will you resolve this? I hope that show you and Jenny Garth have coming this summer is a success. That would be a good distraction for you. You NEED a distraction. Plus, I really like Jenny. Now, what I’d like to ask, Tori, because I’m quite perplexed…That time you were being filmed by the paparazzi and you were yelling for them to get the cameras off of you, what’s up with that? Can you spell reality show?
Yes, Dean cheated on you. It happens to a lot of women, girl. You, unfortunately, weren’t exempt from a husband’s infidelity. Now, my sources tell me the two of you got together while he was married to his former wife, which confuses me even more. What went around recycled back to you. Stop it with all of this devastation on the TV screen. What I feel sorry for is that you don’t get what I get and I don’t think you ever will.
Verily, verily I say unto you, people, don’t give what you can’t take. As always, I have enjoyed our visitation but I must, as we say in the south, get the mule out of the corn. While I look ravishing in this swimwear, it is crawling into some undesirable places all on its own, okay?
Divaliciously Yours,
Beatrice from Apartment 7B
Art in Motion
Goodness gracious, folks. The Zippety Do-Dah music has come to a screeching halt. The needle’s glided across the record in the middle of my dance. Don’t you just hate that? I mean, who wouldn’t?
Anyhow, I figured the issue, or so I think, and took to the drawing board. Literally. I had to get my mind on something else and painted. Also, since I’m sending Valentine a DVD for her Virginia Woolf’s room of her own, I thought I’d share a sample of what she’ll get.
Blog in Review
Good Saturday, folks. I’m still singing the Zippety Do-Dah song and I hope you find your beat today. I, folks, am coming up on 3 years of blogging. Now, I don’t typically make a big to-do about it. It’s not like I’m getting paid to do this. You know, it’s just a little playground to talk sense and nonsense. Know what I’m saying?
I was looking over some work I’ve done over my time of blogging and I’ve had a good time with you, folks. Y’all alright by me. Now, I don’t know what folk would say who know you best but I can’t complain. You feel me? I know you do…[Aheeemm, cough, cough…Hand me over that glass of water, will you?] …Y’all a trip, okay?
Anyhow, this has been the best playground I’ve ever played on and I want to share some images I’ve done, that I’ll credit you with helping me create. I say that ’cause I’ve learned from your blogs and while you may like my work, you’re just as creative as I am. Your writing is a visual for me and I have to thank you ’cause that’s the kinda learner I am. With that, you help me to imagine. [Pause. Getting teary-eyed as you clap for me.] Thank you, folks. [Exiting stage with a 3-year blog award in my hand. Trip over gown just before the curtain closes. The award breaks. The audience laughs. LOUD.]
Got Game?
I’m too excited. I have time off and so now, the race is on. I’ve gotta get done with Sincerely, Beatrice. Though, a change has taken place. I’ve altered Beatrice’s look. She’s a work of art; the haute couture of comics. I like this look. You?
Also, if you so desire, guess the artist and tune on the video. I give prizes sometimes. And guess what folks? Sometimes, I don’t. With this being an upcoming show next month however, I’ll go ahead and make it a contest. For the person who guesses the song AND musical artist, you get one of three prizes below:
1. You get a photo of your choice to be dressed up in a Totsy. That is, a piece of art like you see Beatrice wearing or
2. You’ll get a chance to see yourself transformed into an animated gif or a product you’re promoting, such as your book or
3. You’ll get a message from me in the comments that says, “Yep, that’s it.”
A name will be drawn if more than one person guesses. After that, a prize will be drawn. As time winds down to premiering Sincerely, Beatrice, another contest will be sponsored and your name automatically goes in the hat to win an original piece of mini art. Sounds good? It does to me.
Deadline is May 31. Guess as many times you want ’til that time.
Damsel in Deep Distress
What ever will she think of next? I am too beautiful to withstand this kind of humiliation from Totsy. Yet, here I am with my very own paparazzi. Where is a good and dear friend when you need one? I assure you, it sure isn’t her. Get in the driver’s seat and hit me with a bus, so that Denzel can save me, people. I am a damsel in deep distress as I look at this image of myself…Uuuuuuh…Fainting.
I was intending to talk about Sherri Shephard’s pending divorce and how her husband is filing for custody of their unborn surrogate child, while her ex-hubby is filing for custody of the son they have together and wondering why Sherri married her current husband without checking his work credentials, which, to my findings, he doesn’t have very much of any in the entertainment industry as he and Sherri led her to believe, because get this people, he isn’t working at all and apparently, does very little to nothing around the house. Catching breath…
Also, according to my sources, Sherri signed a prenuptial agreement that she would disburse $60,000 from her account should they divorce. Now, while Sal, the estranged hubby is slightly on the lazy side, I must also say he’s very low budget too, okay? Well, being a woman who was confused and ready to marry, Sherri signed the agreement but Sal is fighting to overthrow everything he agreed to because guess what, he wants more, of course.
Why, I’m just as confounded as Sherri as to why she didn’t check her resources since she’s doing it with all the people she talks about on The View. What a huge egg on her face. It’s akin to your dress ripping in two as you’re walking down the red carpet and catching a breeze on your backside with cameras flashing, only to see it advertised at the grocery store in a free magazine that sells used cars and…If it can happen to me, it can happen to you too, okay?
Anyway, Sherri. Take a slow ride down the aisle to matrimony on your third go-around.
Hardest Working Woman on the ATL Strip,
Beatrice from Apt. 7B
The Truth and Nothing But
So, I’m somewhat hooked on creating these animated gifs and I thought, what a cool way to display my paintings. The saying goes that you learn something new everyday. I don’t know if that’s true for me every day. I mean, it could be true but I couldn’t go before a court and testify to it. Nor could I give a testimony before a congregation either. I could be bought, however.
Anyhow,nothing too interesting is happening in these parts. Or maybe I’ve just been too aloof to notice. On the other hand, when I really think about it, I suppose I turn off the care button sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a very sensitive person but sometimes I have to turn it off and self-absorb what’s going on with me. If I’m not careful, it becomes about everybody else except me. Know what I’m saying? But these days, I got stuff on my mind.
Like, how’s the grass gonna get cut next door now that my neighbor’s moved out. And why am I even worried about the grass over there when my own backyard needs cutting. You know how folks are. Always dipping in other folk stuff when theirs’ not together. Don’t try to act like I’m the only one. And I’m not even gonna say I’m a work-in-progress. That’s so overused. Some days, I’m just work, okay? If I’m nothing else, I’m honest and when I’m not, I’m lying, so how’s that truth for you.
The Best Candidates for 2016
What a nice, quiet day. So nice and quiet, in fact, I began singing the Zippety Do Dah song in my head. I also taught myself how to create an animated gif, which you can see above. I know. It drove me crazy too as I typed this post. I was going for something else that had nothing to do with making a gif and got a little frustrated. Maybe next time, I’ll do one of Barbara Walters doing a farewell yackety-yack on The View and dedicate it to Elyse, over at Fifty-Four and a Half. She loves herself some Baba. Giggle, giggle. Or better yet, I can make a gif of Oprah giving me two of all her favorite things or even much better yet, her writing me a check.
Anyhow, I’ve been checking the news out and reading a bit and see that Ben Carson, the pediatric neurosurgeon, may run for president in a coupla years. He’s even left his job at John Hopkins ’cause he’s been speaking all over the country and whatnot. Said he’d only run if God called him to and since everybody’s taking a liking to him, why, this is the sign he’s been needing to confirm God’s word. I reckon that’s how churches are built up too.
Hillary may run but my auntie said Hillary’s too far in age to be president. My thing with Hillary is she’s got herself a temper. And she’s a woman. After watching Scandal, I’m not real sure. But we’ll see. Bill would make a good First Lady though ’cause while he was getting stimulated during his presidency, that trickled into the economy so I may have to give Hillary some real thought. We may have to put up with Chris Christie, who likes to vent in public when folk, particularly the press, pose relevant questions to him. I’d like to see him run though ’cause he’s kinda interesting.
Though personally, I think Ernie and Burt from Sesame Street would make good candidates. What do you think?
A Diamond in the Blogging Rough
Beatrice. Copyright 2014 Totsymae
Dear beloveds, I’m slowly and most surely, building my reputation of being the juicy girl with the juice. Keep hanging with The Bea and thou shalt never thirst for gossip. Drink from my cup and be quenched, okay? Snap, snap, split. OUCH!
I, people, am so fabulous, I’m going to be a contributing writer for The Single Sexy Mommy. While I’m not a Mommy, I am sexy but I don’t have to tell you twice. You’ve seen the pictures, people. Need I post more photos to jog the fog of your memory? I didn’t think so. Plus, I don’t want a traffic jam to crash Totsy’s little site.
Yes, people, a star has been born. My mouth will perhaps be worn from digging and scooping the dirt. You feel me? I shall probably die wrapped in tabloids, okay? Snip, sew, snap, baby. Just keep me beautiful. Naturally, I shall keep you in the know. At present, I’m sending OWN an audition tape for my own reality show on men over 4o who wear jerseys and sagging pants. It’s going to be called What’s Up With That? Hey, if hoarders can get on TV with all that trash, certainly I can be a commentator for a topic as this.
In the meantime, toodles to your noodles and blessed is the wretched. Just thought I’d throw that in since I went to church today via satellite TV, okay? Wide brimmed hat and all, I did that without the gas company ripping me off. The Bea is all about saving a dollar but you shall never holler at me from aisle three of a thrift store, okay?
So people, be sweet while I hit the street to bring you more of the latest.
Fabulously & Fantastically Yours,
Beatrice from Apartment 7B
Should Jada and Will Whip Their Belt Back and Forth?
“Red Bikini” Acrylic on paper. Copyright 2014 Totsymae
It’s a beautiful day to be gossip – ing
It’s a beautiful day to be gossip – ing
Would you be my
Would you be my…
You get the picture, alright? I’m stretching my talents to exhibit my vocal skills, people. I’ve enough music to publish a CD but I’m still tweaking my sound. You feel me? That chic named Yonce, Beyon or whatever she calls herself, better watch out for none other than The Bea. Work your game, girl because I’m about to twirl onto the world stage, Mrs. Carter. Therefore, let us swiftly forget about her and tune in to me, will you?
People, I have what I call a questionable and somewhat disturbing item of juice, gossip or what have you, to present. You see, I was on my way to work and got word, from a local station that is, that Willow Smith, the daughter of Will and Jada, is posting photos of concern on Instagram. Not that everybody’s not doing it already but hey, it so happens to be Willow this time. People are talking and naturally, I’m one of them.
Willow, at 13, is lying between a man’s legs? and at the head of the bed, is a shirtless gentleman, age 20. Other than a very big smile on the face of the man, who’s said to be good friends with the Smiths, this is all we see. We could perceive it as art but it’s not in a museum or gallery, okay? It’s on a social network where ego and flesh meet. Because it’s where it is, we can assume any and everything we want.
Now, I don’t particularly care what the child posts since she’s not mine. But Jada thinks anyone who believes the photo is anything but innocent is a “covert pedophile.” Okay, Jada, I get that. But well, you weren’t in the company of your daughter and the family friend to confirm nothing took place prior to this photo. I’m just not certain when it’s ever appropriate for a child to be in bed with a 20-year old man, with what I assume, raging hormones. Jada, I’m not saying anything happened and I hope nothing did, I’m just curious as to your reply on that.
You see, Jada, when you responded to the paparazzi about the photo, I couldn’t discern if you were angry at Willow for posting it or the questions that I’m quite sure you knew would come. Based on my last documentation of Willow, she turned down the musical, Annie, because she wanted to enjoy being a kid. If you remember, Jada, Michael Jackson went to trial for being in bed with kids and we never saw photos to prove it actually happened. I mean, he said it but I’m wondering what happens to you or that man after this viral photo. Will Willow get a pass on this or what? People are very curious, particularly me, about your parenting style because I’m real sure a lot of children would love to be your child right about now.
While I could go on and on about this, I won’t. If you would though, Jada, hit the comment button to give my blogging community the scoop, which I’m all about on a 24/7 basis, okay? In the mean and tween time, I must toodle along. I’ve had a long day and while rest eludes me, beauty doesn’t, alright?
Curiously Yours,
Beatrice from Apartment 7B
Sunday Morning
All Things Totsy and Beatrice 